Western motherhood

Sometimes, as a stay at home mum, our society can make you feel pretty useless. Most of our status in the west is attributed to our career and a mothers worth is often diminshed for staying at home. Of course, mothers who work also have it rough, being accused of not doing what is best for their child or doing too much. It seems you cannot win. I have only experienced motherhood at home, which was my choice, yet I can definately sympathise with those who feel they have lost themselves and their self esteem along with having their children. We treat motherhood as a byproduct to the rest of our lives in terms of status and even i find myself being embarrased to say 'I'm at stay-at-home mum' because most people don't know how to react to that information, and all to often they simply don't react at all, reaffirming your low esteem...

"Mothers do not enjoy high status in the West, and there are hardly any rituals to honour them, or celebrate their new role. Rituals help us to adjust. An Indian health-worker, now living in the UK, put it as follows:

During our visit home to Gujerat, my sister-in-law gave birth. She did no housework for 40 days, just lay in bed with the baby, and we, the women of the family, all sat around bringing her presents, singing and gossiping and telling stories. Every day, the midwife came and gave her and the baby a massage.

Customs like this give the new mother a breathing space to recover from the birth and get to know her new baby. They affirm her in her role as mother, and give her a chance to gain knowledge and skills from other women in the family. And they help raise the self-esteem of these women as mothers. We have lost this."